If something is bothering me I can spend hours talking and thinking about it.
It’s good to talk, we’ve established that. Talking is a process that can allow you to get your frustrations and feelings off your chest to prevent you from exploding. When something negative happens to us, be it a direct result of someone’s actions or just an unfortunate event of life, it is necessary for us to talk things out. Internalising isn’t good for anyone. However, sometimes end up directing far too much towards the negativity that we are experiencing. You’ve been there I’m sure: “I can’t believe s/he did that to me?!”; “I don’t know why this has happened to me!”
However, spending so much time focusing on the hurt, pain, anger and incredulity of your situation will begin to steal your joy, time and all kinds of your energy. This goes beyond just talking about it and soon you will find that the negativity will weave itself through your thoughts and eventually and inevitably your behaviour: your negative feelings towards the situation will soon begin to consume you. This is why it’s important to let go. In all honesty you will want to let go of the situation before it gets to the point where it’s all you can talk about and you start interrupting everything you’re doing just to state (or think about) your frustration with the situation but then again we are human so what are the chances of that happen?
Letting go… two words that are simple enough to say but doing them? That’s a whole other story. The amount of times I’ve had someone say to me “just let it go” is enough to drive me up the wall! The biggest question I always had was HOW!? No one could ever give me any advice on how to “let it go” just that I should. I finally managed to figure it out for myself though and to be honest it’s definitely easier said than done. For me, letting go requires conscious effort. It involves rationalising my thoughts and verbally correcting myself. For example, someone did something to me that was totally uncalled for and put me in a difficult situation, it left me feeling very hurt. I struggled to “let it go” initially and I battled with myself as to whether or not to “tell them about themselves” but I started repeating the following things to myself to free myself from the negativity that was starting to drown me:
- It’s not the end of the world; you’ll get over it
- Do you think they are thinking about you the way you are spending so much energy over it?
- If you were to tell them your thoughts on the situation how would it benefit you?
- What other things could you be spending your time on than focusing on this?
- Is preoccupying your time and thoughts with this going to solve your problems?
- Is it even that big of a deal?
Now, everyone is different and my method of “letting go” might not work for you but you owe it to yourself to try and discover what works.