I watched a TV show last week and I have to say that I wasn’t impressed… A young woman had recorded a number of reasons why she killed herself. The reasons were shared posthumously. However, I believe that there was one reason, the only reason, that she omitted: because she chose to.

The society that we live in today is rife with blame culture. I’m pretty sure you can come up with your own examples… and I’m not talking about accountability for accidents that’s never should have happened. I’m talking about people making their own choices and blaming others for the consequence or even individuals blaming themselves for situations that are out of their control.

Anyway, I watched this young woman scream at her peers and people wanting to help to “leave her alone”, then, she blamed them for not coming after her. I heard her say she was going to get help then watched scenes wherein the words “I need help” were never uttered. She then went on to blame them for not knowing that she needed it. She chose not to let them know, she chose to keep quiet and in the end it was her choice that ended her life.

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve been the girl that has pushed people away and expected them to come running. I’ve been the girl makes herself lost; hoping to be found. But I never was, not until I stopped hiding.

Some situations you are in may cause you to feel low, your genetics may cause you to feel low. Life being life means that lows will come but defining moments in your life (and the lives of others!) will occur based on the choices you make. Having said that it’s important to make the right choice.

The young lady in the show chose to isolate herself and, as a result of her isolation, chose to end her life.

I’ve made the choice to stop believing that my family and friends were mind readers. I’ve made the choice to try and give myself a purpose for each day. I’ve made the choice to no longer allow my lows to consume my highs. I’ve made the choice to adopt an attitude of hope. I’m not perfect at it and it’s not easy and I’m not saying it will be but everyday is a fresh start (I know I’ve said it before but it’s true).  You have to choose to help yourself and I can’t imagine that choice to have a negative effect on your life.

So, whilst there are some aspects in life that you have no say in, the choices you make can help influence your experience. Stop relying on people to read your mind and fix you. Rather make the choice to work with those who want to help you and chose you help yourself. You know, the right kind of choice.

** If you are feeling suicidal, passive (I wouldn’t mind if I didn’t wake up tomorrow) or aggressive (contemplating the deed) please, please speak to someone.
**If your lows are preventing you from being you, please, speak to someone

A list of helpful contacts and resources can be found here

I Feel Lighter Now

I feel lost.

I don’t mean that “I feel like I should have my whole life figured out right now” lost but more of a “there’s a little girl spinning around my head” lost. Like, you know when you were in primary school and you used to spin around and around and around until you were so dizzy you fell down.

That’s how I feel.

My life doesn’t need to be A* but I’m questioning why it currently feels like an E (yeah, I know they don’t exist past GCSEs).

I know it’s okay not to know what you want to do with life and I’m okay with that. What I’m not okay with is knowing what I don’t what to do and then second guessing myself. “Maybe this is what I want I just have to get used to it”. I’m not the type of person who gives up, even if I’m suffering, that’s not to say I’m suffering right now but if I am to turn my back on something I believe that the reason has to be fully justified. Just because you don’t like something does not mean you have to give up. Sometimes, though, you have to give up because that’s what best for you.

Well how do you know what’s best for you? In the grand scheme of things I don’t think you can say. You never know what things are going to be like until you experience things. Any opportunity in life can look good on paper. This is where informed decision making comes in; considering the pros and the cons and using past experiences to inform your future.

It’s not that straight forward, though, because if it was I wouldn’t be writing this post.

Why am I telling you this? I needed to get it off my chest but also because I think when it comes down to big decisions we worry that we won’t make the right one or we worry that we’re taking to long to make a decision. The fact of the matter is if your taking a while then it’s not something that can be taken lightly so don’t beat yourself up about it just keep marinating on it. Like my mum says: “If you don’t know what to do just do nothing”.

However, don’t let this decision take over your life. Set a side some time to think about the decisions you want to make and when the thoughts pop up at inconvenient times push them away. You control your thoughts, they don’t control you. Besides, life is all about balance and moderation, right?

The Recovery by Danielle Bello

Having a foot injury means that you can’t do half the things you could originally, this can have a huge affect on not only your physical state but also your mental state as you are not as able as you were before.

I was given 6 weeks to rest my foot and that is a lot of time without being able to do the things I normally do, this news did not go down well.

Surprisingly, through this process I am learning, experiencing and embracing so much about myself and this healing time. As  this is a whole new situation to me I have discovered quite a few underlying aspects about myself such as an over worrying mind and social anxiety, however, through a series of mindful exercises and new hobbies I am learning to accept them.

The 5 things that have really helped me during this process are:

  1. Meditation
    • I have been meditating near enough everyday, this has enabled me to embrace this process. I’m trying to look towards myself with compassion and allow myself to open my heart; manage my anxieties and my busy mind. If you haven’t meditated before and you would like  I recommend using Youtube or an app called Headspace
  2. Adult Colouring Books
    • As a creative person I like to make things and go out and take pictures but because of the pain I’m in I can’t do those things. I only had a few colouring pencils and a book on hand. This really works for me as I immersed myself into the colouring and had something to focus on and take pride in. I think these books are great as they are so cheap and easy to do, its a great thing to do to take your mind of things when you can’t be as active as you’d like.                 
  3. Exercise
    • How can I exercise when I can’t be active? Well I do yoga and I love yoga! I started the 30 days of yoga challenge until I injured my foot so I youtubed ‘yoga for an injured foot’ and I found a video! It’s important to break the mold and realise that just because you may not be able to do as much does not mean you can’t do anything.
  4. Reading, reading, reading
    • I’m reading ‘Little Book of Inner Peace‘ and it’s such a good read! It has actually inspired me to start drumming. I’ve purchased a djembe and I’m loving learning new rhythms. It’s been a source of happiness for me and has taken me out of the doom and gloom of my recovery and completely changed my perspective on this process.

So get creative, start a new hobby, get active, and embrace the recovery and embrace yourself!

Everything you ever need is within you and this process has helped me learn  that it has helped me to reestablish the peace and compassion within myself and I am thankful for this process. Always take care of your mind, body and soul.

Live a Little

You guys almost never got this blog post. Inspiration level last week: 0%. I started this blog on a high of positivity, you guys have been loving that and I have been racking my brains as to not to disappoint.

Anywayyy, like I said, inspiration was low however, towards the end of the week  things started to look up. ‘Member that long distance running I was talking about well I had my 5k this weekend! #colorobstaclerush

The sun was hot and it was high in a clear sky making the conditions a little tough, throw in a couple of obstacles and imagine how tough it was. Especially for someone who wasn’t built to run (confirmed by  a Dr. at the MSK clinic) but I did it! Took me just under 43 minutes but I did it.

I then treated myself to some retail therapy; got myself some cute dresses and a jumper and went out for lunch with the girls ♥

You’re probably wondering why I’m telling you all of this. Who cares what I did over the weekend? I’m sure some of you did some equally enjoyable things. My point is reparation. Reparation simply means the action of repairing something. Everything we are made will always have a level of optimum health and sometimes, with life being the way it is, those levels dip. We spread ourselves to thin, or fail to take care of ourselves directing all our attention to work, study or others. When you reach that point it’s important to be able to recognise it and love yourself. No one in this world is gonna care about you more than you care about yourself so when you’re feeling bruised by life do something to repair those damages before they get worse.

Point is, there was things we have to do in life “just because” just because society dictates the way life should be but life is also to be enjoyed and sometimes you need to take a step back from the normality of life and just live a little.